I got called out.
By my kids.
On a Zoom call.
About this blog.
My last post was my holiday letter on December 30th, 2019.
While I did write a guest post for my lifelong friend Mary Rufledt’s That Wisconsin Girl blog about the creation of my first book, most of my thoughts have been stuck in my head. It’s a super busy place too. There are at least five more blog posts and another partially written book floating in my brain like seaweed on the surface of the ocean. I’m tangled in those thoughts and more than ever, due to the circumstances of our current world, I was left distracted, annoyed, or frustrated.
I am a planner!
My top strength in the Gallup Clifton Strengths Assessment is Strategy. There’s this quote, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” Did you have plans in place for the first half of 2020? Yeah, I’m sure you’re laughing now too.
Before the global pandemic, weekly and even daily I would look out and set intentions and goals for the coming week and even then…nothing ever went as I planned. It made me more hesitant to move forward because I had lost my moorings as a master strategic planner. Wasting time and resources on the wrong plan for me is like dumping the balance of your savings account on the street. Not my favorite activity.
Adjusting to the new took so much more energy than I ever imagined, and reacting sucked my creative juices, so for awhile I thought, why plan at all? Zoom fatigue is real and is awaiting a vaccination too.
It was my offspring holding me accountable that jolted me back into action. Thank you! (I’m gonna take credit for their ability to give tough love.)
One thing that I absolutely will not allow myself to stand in is regret. I’ll choose fear over regret. Discipline over regret. Failure over regret.
I hate having regret.
One of my favorite quotes is, “You can start a diet in the middle of a bag of potato chips.”
No matter where you are right now, you can start a new story, a new chapter, and a new season.
When the coronavirus events unfolded I had to remind myself, “Alice, you’ve been training your whole life for this season.”
With a goal to live to 120 or more years, I’d been in training for decades to prepare my physical body and mental health to be resilient and ready for anything.
Only problem was, I was acting as an army of one.
If you could go back in time 3 months, one year, five years, would you have done anything differently to prepare for what you, correction we, are experiencing right now? Could you have made better choices to support those around you during a worldwide pandemic with an economic shutdown unlike the world has ever seen? I know I could’ve.
Have I mentioned that I hate feeling regretful?
Perhaps I was hiding a bit because in all the quiet time that a stay-at-home order creates, I felt strong regret.
I regretted that my sole focus was to develop my body and spirit to be resilient, and I rarely pulled back the curtain for others to see what I was doing, how I was doing it, and what inspired me.
Community. We live in community. Communities of our peers and coworkers, neighbors and friends, family and extended family.
To lead by example only works if you stand in visibility and make yourself a bit vulnerable to the communities that matter to you. I’ve learned I need to be willing to stand in my truth even if it makes others uncomfortable and to survive my failures I need to forgive and move on.
This blog is my moving on and it’s the first of a series that will share my journey.
My fitness journey, from workouts that were punishment for yesterday’s bad choices to finding my strong and powerful body that will be a great place to live for many more decades.
It will feature my sobriety journey, from being the mother of the bride who hated herself for drinking too much at her daughter’s wedding to being almost 5 years alcohol free. Full Story HERE. Sobriety isn’t a daily negotiation, it’s freedom that is the foundation of joy in my life.
You’ll also learn more about my wellness journey that brought me to the office of a functional medicine doctor who took me on a ride called the RADIOACTIVE heavy metal detox. While I never glowed in the dark, I hadn’t felt well in a really long time. If you’ve started to believe it’s just because you’re older, I’m here to call BS on that!
And lastly, my love journey that pushed me past becoming a lonely, bitter 40-something empty nester who settled for a good marriage, when a great one was in reach. In a season of just one human for me to talk to in-person each day, Bill became my safest, strongest, and kindest ally.
A few weeks ago, he even said to me, “I’ll do whatever you need me to do.“ That landed him the gig of coloring my hair. These moments make me regret not having a video camera and voice recorder ready to capture his sweetness!
When life becomes challenging it can be easy to add shame to regret. I have this special club that I can self-inflict pain with like no one else. Perhaps you have one too.
Let’s call it quits on that and put the club down. Tomorrow is nothing but a new beginning.